29th october

hmmmmmmmm.......so many thngs...soooooooooooooooo little tym....so lemme jus put up d main pointerz....
i>m gonna kick sum1 real hard...
ii>ballori...cum on...rply 2 mah scraps yaar....
iii>sb....whr r u....hvta snd u an invitation...mah sis' marriage cumin up buddy..
iv>bussy wid studies...
dts it...bye..

28TH OCTOBER

Hullo...wassup,lemon tree....found ne lady-blog on the roll??....SHE SUITABLE 4U???OH....cumon...hey guys jus jokin.....hd a blast 2dy....hd a small party at home.....wid all mah dad's frns...deir daughters n sons....amng all.....found only1 gud lukin grl...hd loads offfffffffffff fun...burnt money...sorry....crackers till 3in d morn....n lapped it up wid a bonfire....kno wat bro n a few of his frnds came home drunk....i dnt lyk it wen he drinks...i tld him so-o-oooo--ooo many tyms not to drnk...but he jus wnt listen...SANJ....missin ya....LITTLE PRINCESS....u kno wat...i dont get ngry on u jus coz u tlk of "HIM" n stuff...but coz i dnt wnt mah "LOVE" to be dis-respected.....dts d reason...felin sleeeeeeeeeepy....gud nyt lemon tree...n yup....cmae across dis grl "BALLORI"....dunno d meanin of d name...hvta kno it....hvta....

25th OCTOBER

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm………..wnt b able 2 use mah lappie for a few days now…lets see…hvta wryt mah blog…realized sumthng in lyf…dis lyf is 22222222222 short… really tooooooo short 22222222222hate……wats d use 2 hate sum1……wat do u get by hating sumbdy….nthng…..literally nthng…..it hurts a lot wen sum1 leaves u…but wat hurts u more is d fact dat u still hate him…thr r so mny thngs goin on in mah head ryt now….tell me why do I still fear d word LOVE….why????why cnt I b lyk oders….y dnt I flirt arnd???????there’s no1 2 stop me…..no 1 to tell me….no one at all…no one to ask me whats in mah heart…no one to tell me not to luk up at girls…no1 2 tell me tht I am their own…I dunno….am I weak….no I know I am not…I kno I am strong…simply coz of d fact dt I did not evr stop her frm goin so-o-o-o-o far away frm me…but does dt mean dt I dnt LOVE her….no…I know I love her…I also know she will never come bck…I know she is gone…n wid her is gone all the things I ntd frm lyf…all the small wishes..all da dreams….wid her is gone all mah stupidity…wid her is gone C.U.T.E,S.T.U.P.I.D…n all da many thngs….wid her is gone d Love Books…wid her is gone sumone whom I cud luk upto…cz of whom I had 2 live n die…wid her is gone evrythng…wid her is gone feelings…warmth…et all…why….why… I still search for d answer….I still cower in d corner wen mah mom criticizes me for evrythng I do.. for evrythng I do…but I dnt care…I dnt care nemre…I dnt thnk....sry…I dint wnt to brng dis part of mah lyf…sum1 tld me dt I I sud not du this…n she was ryt…evr1 has got their own share of their problems…me u n evry1 else…wats da use of whining lyk dogs 2 this impassionato world…wat will I get by writing this…nthing….n neither will u get nethng by reading this…but stl…unlyk u all ppl I dnt hv ne1 to speak mah mnd out…SANJ,POU,dt little kid of clsVII I teach…..none….i cnt trust dem…or is it lyk…I dnt wnt 2 trust them….but the thng is dt I m stll yet to cum across…. no…rather…I dnt wnt to cum across them….

24th OCTOBER

Hia buds….wazzup….bored many a ppl wid dis vry word….haha….cumon man laugh…..its good…u kno…lyk many a ppl laugh at me….sumtyms jus lyk dat….u kno why dey…well,how will u kno unless I tell u….sumtyms I wish I cud tell sum1 how much I need tht person…but who cares…u do….cum on…I kno u dt evn giv a damn…cum on man…probably u dnt evn kno me…sumthng hpnd quite a few days ago…4gt 2 tell ya Lemon Tree…I got in tuch wid dis grl on orkut…she was frm Loreto House…made a bit weak at my knees…well aftr all all the stuff dt hpnd wid LH…but u know at she is not lyk many a grls outta thr…she…well…at least seemed different…well at least by her profile…Went by da name of "^@//0#!"…dunno wat does dt mean..by da way….dnt try to decode it…u cnt….n it was primarily done to protect her Privacy…stll…I wont b surprised if sum clever ass does break it…forgv da profanity..eithr way I dnt care whthr u do…stll…had a bad dream 2dy aftrnun…was abt an unknown person…her face was not familiar….not familiar at all..but it felt lyk sein a lyf in a nutshell...d dream was..lyk….she died…lyk…aftr goin thru many thngs….a lyf frought wid child abuse,lost love,rape,sex-worker, homo-sexuality..wid the shanty-girls…doin the same thng cld child-abuse wch she was treated to wen she was a kid…n thn she lyk…jus died…
Dunno y…but woke up cryin aftr sein d dream…no…I am not afraid of taking a beating…but wat I am afraid is wat if….tht person is sum1 close 2 me….i dunno whether she cares if I care for her or not…no…I don’t wnt ur pity….i can do widout dt…I am strng….not only on d surface…but yes all d way thru…yes….i hv shrd evrythng wid u DG…n evn now…after evrythng….stll now….thr is sumthng….of mine wch is wid u….sory…it is your own…My HEART…. My LITTLE PRINCESS….

23rd OCTOBER

23rd OCTOBER
4:45am on 24th October::No…was not awake all nyt…quite d oder way round…woke up damn early…wat did u thnk…I only stay up late….nah….i can wake up early 2222222…..will publish this sumtym 2mrw…hd a chat wid DG…tlkd wid POU ystrdy nyt…tlkd wid hr sissy 2….got an imp dt she was lyk…..beautiful….well….she said her frnds compare her wid Deepika Padukone…ummmm….. who's she?????i dnt kno her…prbly sum1 who lyk….u kno scares the kids out….hahaha….jus jokin….in a good mood 2dy….will go out now….do sum Parkour…den practice sum bboyin steps…..listenin 2 morning raga ryt now….quite refreshin..ANY went home ystrdy…took da Darjeeling mail ystrdy….bye…ciao later….

21ST OCTOBER

21ST OCTOBER
Wnt 2 mah native place…it feels so humbling evrytym I go thr….sumtyms evn went hrs nothing…sumtyms…u c a light at the end of the tunnel shine…thru d dark tyms evn wen no1's listenin…evn wen I walk arnd in the same haze n get caught up in d same days…sumtyms I jus keep mah mouth shut n try to fynd out the pain thts lurkin sumwhr insyd me…but no…I dnt wnt ne1 2 c…or try 2 guess y tht pains lurkin…if u guess its abt DG…ur r wrng buddy…thrs alwys more thn meet the eye…sumtyms…I try 2 bliv the thngs I cnt see…sumtyms…u try 2 hyd the pain deep insyd….n try 2 4gt it by hating evry1 in ur vicinity…no I wont tell u tht I tld u so….wen thr cums a point in ur lyf wen u realize ths…but dnt 4 gt…tht the hrdest part of holding on is letting it go….yes…I will yell it out…I will yell it till I get sumthng new 2 say…yes..i will say wt I feel till the world goes deaf…till thrs no word left unsaid…n thres no mourning sound….no death knell…did you know…all of u ppl…tht thr will cum a tym wen a kid lyk me wud brk everything in d vicinity…I know how u feel sumtyms…wid all d pain deep insyd…sumtyms evn sein the face of sum1 u love freaks u out…sumtyms wen ur lawyer's face freaks u out…jus tryin 2 escpe frm the present kills u out…wat will u do nw wen u dnt hv newhr 2 run…wen u jus cn keep ur mouth shut n listen 2 wat ppl say….u know wat the person who teaches u to be strong in the surface n all d way thru….the person who teaches u 2 bliv in urslf ultimately becomes the gr8st weakness in ur lyf…yes tht is the gr8st trth….

TJDOEJIDEJKLSEJIFKOJIJJIGKIT

19TH OCTOBER

19TH OCTOBER
AAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ufffffff!!!!!! Man one of the most tensed days of mah lyf…none of mah programs r runnin…n 2mrw will hvta go2 coll…dnt wnt 2…really boring man…nothing more than that….hvta start working again….bad bad bad bad……really bad….argh…..

3:45am::sum of them…jus 12 of them r working…man…wish sum1 wud help me…but no…hv2 b lyk rock lee…hyugian eyes can see a lot but do not much…thts lyf….buds…u know at is fear…it is not a fear of sumthng….its an emotion of losing sumthng…it’s a fear of letting sumthng go…tht is fear…..wen u drown u dnt gv a fuck 2 all the good manners u learnt back in ur kindergarden….u jus scream…tht is fear…..the fear of losing ur own dear lyf…..the sarcasm is u can foretell many a things in ur lyf…but 1 thing u cnt….u cnt tell ur death….yet all the tym knoin da fct tht wid evry pasin sec ur inchin closer 2 death….tht is the sarcasm…..tht is the hard fact of lyf…..mmmmmmmmgudnyt….lemon tree…..

16TH OCTOBER

16thOCTOBER
3:45am::Saw a no. of old films yet again…listening to Richard Cladyerman and Rahul Sharma's Confluence2..its magical buds…tlkd wid DG…wntd to tell her a lot many things…bt d moment I cld her she hits it by sayin "Why did you call me?Is there any work I havta do 4 u?"….well I also gv a befitting answer…"I tlk wid you because I like to talk wid…not bcoz I hv sumthng goin on in the back of my head…dnt insult Me,My feelings n Yourself by sayin tht I tlk wid u keepin intentions in mah mind.."…She also snd me a couple of SmS-es…dunno y she snt those 2 me…I think it sud me who sud b sndin tht to her...Sanj is planin to propose…came as a pretty… ummmmmmm……pleasant??unpleasant??dunno….kno wat my LiL' Princess…I kno 1dy u will read mah blog…as the tym goes u will kno me…dunno…whether you will hate me or love me…all da same…ystrdy she tld me sumthng..it mde me immensely hpy..but at the same tym sad.. y??I dunno…
Kno wt…man sumtyms it jst hurts insyd a lot…a lot…I dunno…sumthngs are bst lft unsaid…u just keep quiet and try to b urslf…whether it b by sulkin…or be it by bein hpy…I dunno…but sumtyms sumthngs r bst lft unsaid….dint update mah blog 4 da pst few dys…hd 2 attnd 2 sum band jammings n hd a dnce practice ystrdy…freestyle parkour 2mrw…boyin ltr in d evenin..will b damn tired…uff…sweating by just d names….quite late already…havta go to sleep..If I cnt…hvta tk a dose of sleepin pills…will publish it 2mrw…afternoon probably…gotcha a new student..a girl..gud lukin..let's see...was lukin at me wid…lyk "Checkin me out" style…okay…bye…ciao….

14TH OCTOBER

14TH OCTOBER
Nothin new…dwnlded P.O.D….well on the careeristic front…got myslf admitted to C.A course…the initial stage…CPT xm…no tuitions…as usual…hate to listen to those borin lectures…coll is enuf…dnt need nemore….misin SANJ a lot…need to tlk to her…dunno y lyfs bein so bad…man am not the kinda guy who can leave long widout a person who depends on me…n wid whom I can tlk to…but no…I don’t wnt sum1 jus for fun…but sum1 who'll wnt to spnd her lyf wid me..missin u MR.O….not ne1 els buddy…its mr.O.henry….his stories..man…really…gr8 twists…more lyk scorpions..a sting in the tail..Stll..2dy is sumthng…lyk boring…so…bye…goodbye for now…

13TH OCTOBER

13TH OCTOBER
U tell me that u need me n then u cut the rope that holds me just ten feet off the ground…I can't even make a sound..u xpct me to apologise 4 the pains I gave you…but did u forget…even now my heart beats only for you..i took a shot for you…right in my heart…U kno the fact that I need you like a heart needs a beat..i kno its not enuf for u…the simple fact that I love you…I kno u think tht its all a joke..no mah Lil' Princess…its not a joke for me…u kno u wr as important to me…as important is water is to douse the flames…as important is the element of beat to the word music..nope..no…dnt cum to me n tell me…I love you,atreya…it does not have any meaning to me..when I hear it from your mouth…I don’t believe…sorry,rather I don't want to believe you…you kno relationships are like a mirror…yes if u break it once…it can b joined…true there remains a dent…but u can avoid it…but(mah cell jus beeped an alert showin ur msd cl) the next time you make a dent…try as you may…you cnt avoid the fact…even though you will join the mirror yet again…even then…you have lost me…yes DG you have lost me..dnt xpct me to call you back…not becoz I hate you…in reality I dnt…but becoz I dnt want 2 tlk 2 u…coz I feel weak wid u…no…the lines r drawn…its over…its over for now…
OoPs!!!!forgot to tell ya…I got mah first blog follower…I dint kno da guy…NK I guess was the name of the guy..hey bud…thnks huh!!....hvta study a bit to now…procrastination is a bad habit…ryt…n thts the only necessary reason I need to legalise the fact "y is procrastination there in mah system??"--programming….wid c…up to the neck wid mah studies…will also join the chartered accountant course today…SHRAD…one of mah gud frnds…it's her mom's b'day 2dy…also composed a song…will put up the lyrics sumtym 2mrw…evn thts not sure…hahaha..ciao…later buddies..

12TH OCTOBER..

12TH OCTOBER
1:50 pm::Tlkd wid DG 2dy…tld her 2 chk out mah blog…I hate her…I really really do…why did she hvta go away frm me…she's bad…she's really really bad….was there a shortage of mah love…now I know why do I always ache for love…why evrynyt I wnt 2 tlk wid her…I kno now…tell as much as I tell mahself…day-in-day out…everyday…I wont ever be able 2 teach mahself 1 simple fact…she's no longer mine…no longer can I tell her wat troubles me inside mah heart…no longer can I lean on her n tell wats achin insyd…no longer I can freely tell her…why I love her so much…no-no longer…she is no longer mine…she does not want 2 reside inside my heart any longer…she does not belong there….she's gone…she loves somebody else…more than she loves me…she does not belong to mah heart shaped box…it's hollow…it’s a void…I may hv cool guys 2 hang out wid..hot girls wntin 2 hang by my side…but they r not the person I want…I want u mah LITTLE PRINCESS…..i want u back in mah life….i kno it’s a wish…n I m free 2 mak as many as I wnt..to drea in as many ways I like….no one's gonna stop me…but deep down inside…sumwhere….sumwhere where it is dark n I am alone….i kno I have no one…yes mah parents mah relatives…r there…but outside of that….no one…so ask me MR.ROBIN SHARMA…. "Who will cry after you die?"………"NO ONE,SIR.NO ONE WILL CRY AFTER I DIE…"

10TH OCTOBER..

10TH OCTOBER
1:15am…uploaded mah blog 2dy…SAM replied 2dy…hoped 4 a mre personal mail…well..u sudnt xpct…the more u xpct the more hurt u get..SANJ cld up 2dy..lykd tlkin 2 her..ahem…so-o-o--o-o-o-o-o-o…man…DG's in a bit of trouble..mayb cuz of me…I cld up n hr dad pckd up d cl…so lyk..jus aborted the lyn..man admire her dad a lot..he's really a gr8 man..a really noble n good man…unlike her..hahaha…WISH I cud b wid her…man miss her a lot…well..i can wish…wish as much as I want to..no1 can stop me…cuz they r my wish..i dnt care,whether they cum true or not..its my freedom..but stl I wish..i wish there was sumbdy..to tell me tht…tht I am not alone in this feelin…tht there is more than what meets the eye..tht the evergreen ghost still lives …sumwhere above wtchin us…so dt I can wait..wait 4 tht sum1…so tht I hv sum1 who asks me how I am evry dy…tellin me tht I can make up to the life that I hv long lost…I kno I am not perfect..but neither is ne1 else…the fct is tht I hv lost mah dreams…lost sumwhr in the transition b'ween the pain n sorrow,the hurt,the feelings…the feelings wch swells up evrytym I look up at the clear blue skies wid the uncountable stars all above n all the uncharted territory yet unknown to man…n wishing every star wid 1 wish..evrytym…I wish 4 her…I tch mah heart…n insyd mah heart I feel the emptiness..wch HURTS in the beginning,then it feels lyk SORROW…then the feeling of VOID n then the feeling…the all pervaiding feeling of LOSS..but inside…inside the hollow cld heart…wen sumtyms I peep in…there's sumthng cld tears wch I shed alone…wen none of the prying eyes see me…alone so tht…I can hide n try to live an empty life in a more astute emptiness…

9TH OCTOBER.......

9th OCTOBER
3:30 am..man..tlked wid DG after a l-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-n-g -------l-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-n-g time..at arnd 12:30am..dad was sleepin bsyd me..cudnt tlk properly..tlkd wid PAL too..PRAT tld me 2dy morn dt SANJ will cll up 2dy..she did 2222…bt I was sleepin ws feelin sck…at arnd 11:00in d morn..cld her l8r..not SANJ..she calls frm a PUBLIC BOOTH..cld PRAT..she tld dt SANJ will cl up again...she dint..well.. mah8 bad luck..will publish this blog frm 2mrw..man..wish I hd sum1 2 tlk 22…not lyk..”I LOVE YOU” n stuff…but just sum1 listenin 2 me..widout ne qualms or hard-feelings…thts sumbdy I wnt…man…stll…leave it…jus crap..gudnyt LEMON TREE…

8th oct..

8th OCTOBER
Well..I’ll publish this day after tomorrow..won’t hv tym b4 dt ..not a busy man..bt jus wnt hv tym..u kno..mny fmly stff 2 tk care of..tym now..1:15am in mah computer clock..its early man..at least 4me..clld DG up quite a few tyms..dint receive..1ce she was busy aftr dt she dint recv..ws missin her terribly..dint tlk wid her 4m d morning..n hd a real bad dream ysterdy nyt..a real nightmare..well nthin 2 speak abt 2dy..n surprisingly nthin 2 brag abt 2222….so……well..lemme tk d pleasure of dscrbn mah room..not the one I am in now..but the one in which I live..
Ummmmmm………a big one..wid a BBBBBBBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR bed..no..not literally..Jus a..dunno wch F.o.S it is..hvta ask Abh 4dt..room’s pinkish-white in colour..frm da window u c a water reserve…n da b’tiful moon..There’s a huge tree..22222…n on da oder side…a huge open grnd…ummm….oops...mom’s up…bye….

7TH OCT..

7TH OCTOBER
Went to BDL 2dy..Mny thngs hpnd..wnt to 1of my old relative’s house..his daughter is due 2 b married pretty soon..hmmmm…….anoder girl gne off the racks..not dne man..not dne at all..she was quite..u kno…on the sexy side..oops..forbidden desires man..but who cares..not me..at least..u do..well..den dnt read this..den I met 1 of mah old homies..he broke up..oops sorry..he wants to break-up..why??...cuz he wants to flirt arnd..n dis was da same guy who wntd 2 b committed..sumthng like..”DEATH DO US PART” thing…not good buddy..Tld me sumthn I dint quite lyk..abt Sumthng Sum1 is doin..well..m in a good mood now at the dead of the night…listening 2 LP—My December..now a POD,Papa Roach,LimpBizkit cover of an LP song..so thres no use givin the reason why I tht of startin d blog in the first plc..wen I hd a gr8 frnd of myn cld Lemon Tree to giv me company n b my partner as far mah secret keepin is concerned..dt reason can wait…its already 2:30 in the morn..
Mom hv crckd a bone in her foot ystrdy..dad ws a bit worried abt it 2dy..the mOoN’s bright n high in it’s place of pride..n I can see it frm mah window..i cnt see u honey..wish I cud..the cell is just within my reach..i can call u so easy..so it seems..but I dnt kno…u seem so far away..r u there still??..........

INTRO...

2DAY THE BEGINNING…

The story so far…
Well….no use bragging long and being just a crashing bore by saying the stupid xperiences of mah past….past’s gone n it has no known use TODAY…but b4 dt…lemme tell ya..if ur lukin 4 an xcitin blog outta hre..well ur in da wrong place..i can b a bore…sumtyms crashing n dreadful..ask mah frnds n dey will surely tk the pleasure of boring u 2 the last shreds of ur living selves by just telling u how dreadful a bore I am..still…I will pick the strings from 7th of October…but b4 I do tht lemme take the pleasure in introducing the BIGSHOTS in mah lyf story…(Names hv been chngd or disguised 2 protect identity)
 MOM n DAD::Pretty much the reason why m here..
 DG or Lil’ Princess::The change of mah lyf..well…u’ll kno more abt her if u tke the pain of readin on..
 SB n SID::Mah best pals..intro follows as we proceed..
 DBB::mah skul..mah GR8888888888 skul…
 COLL::mah college…
 BDL::the place whr I used 2 liv..
 Ms.SMP::Sum1 whu affctd mah lyf big tym
 ARN n GAV::mah bandmates..
 IP::our band..
 SANJ::sum1 a bit diffrnt frm oders..
GURJ n PRAT::hangout pals..
 SAM,REM,ANY,POU,PAL,LIZ,ABH::good frnz..
 HOMIES::the name says it all..ryt..
WELL..thts it..dey r d ppl n stff who mttr 2 yup…dey really do…dnt stare at ur computer scrn…no 1 told u u’ll fnd ur name up here..dnt cry…I cnt giv u mah napkins…I aint gettit 4 free bud..stll..so..wats da deal..u stll wanna read mah borin stff..well lemme giv u sm fair “STATUATORY WARNINGS” at first :: ::Already given at first..again repeating it..m a dreadful crashing bore..:: ::m fairly whimsical…so don’t xpct me 2 be a regular blogger..
THAT’S it…the “WARNINGS” done wid…now lets move forward..yup from 7th oct…b4 dt…4gt it…dey r gne..

2day...the beginning...